I've
been having a problem with stank face as of late. Stank face, also
known to some as resting bitch face, is a problem for many. Most people
know me as a super smiley, joyful kind of guy but lately that has not
been the case. I've just not been feeling people, my job- kind of life
in general- and it's been manifesting in every interaction I have. I've
been getting into squabbles with damn near everybody, and even had a sit
down with a manager about my attitude sucking. Things just haven’t been
the cutest.
In
a recent what I like to call "sit yo' ass down" moment, I had to do
some internal inventory and check myself. What emerged in this stillness
was a deep focus on what I was doing to contribute to all of this
madness. What’s my role? What am I offering? Then I had my Oprah “Aha”
moment: every interaction that we have is an exchange of spirit, of
energy, of life. Every single interaction. Whether it be
person-to-person, getting on a crowded subway car, or sitting in
stillness at the park, some part of us is moving with, moving next to,
or exchanging with a part of another being; it's a handoff of energy.
This image of two massive, vibrating, energetic fields came to me. They
were all pixels-no defined images-with a really warm, glowing, pink hue.
They were happy fields. They met, vibrated with each other, hi-fived,
and each of them removed a piece of themselves and offered it up to the
energy force in front of them, adding to and changing the components of
their fields, respectively. Maybe that’s exactly what happens with us.
We meet another person, and whether it’s anger or joy or heaviness, we
remove a bit of those “pixels” and offer that up as our contribution.
The other takes it in.
It seems obvious, but just stick with me here: no one wants to feel shitty. No one wants
to have aggressive, exhausting, draining interactions with the world
around them. We fall short because we’re not always consciously aware of
what we’re offering. If I’m presenting my anger to someone, like it’s a
gift, why would they want to give me their best, most “feel good”
parts? I wouldn’t want to. What would happen if your contribution or
offering was one of love and light? What do you think people would offer
you in return?
I
conducted an experiment last night at work to be conscious of my
contribution in every exchange. I set an intention to actively give joy,
love, and light. I did that and boy was it returned! Just a little
backstory and contextual information about my job here- I work at one of
the busiest, craziest restaurants in New York City. I bartend. People
are reckless. People want what they want and they want it now- not in
two seconds- NOW. Think of a bar, three rows deep, and everyone is
Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
That’s my job; it’s fast, physically demanding, emotionally draining,
and it goes hard nonstop. Don’t get me wrong, we have our fair share of
awesome people, but they sometimes get lost in the sea of scalliwags and
ragamuffins.
Now,
back to my experiment. I set the intention to give joy, love, and
light. Literally every guest in my section was awesome and if they
weren't, they moved to a table after about 20 minutes. It was great. I
had a section full of sweethearts all night. I felt like I was BFFs with
most of my guests. We were chummy, they were chummy with each other,
they were patient and having fun, we were talking about music and life-
just rad people. I was even invited out to two vineyards in Napa because
of these great exchanges. Despite being swarmed with guests, sweating,
and having no break from the chaos, I had amazingly beautiful
interactions all night.
So
what am I saying? Is the secret to smiling from ear-to-ear just saying
to yourself, I’m going to give joy and love tonight? No. I don’t think
it’s that easy. Setting an intention was great for me, but I also had to
remind myself of that intention several times. The night was one big
active meditation. There was focus on my breathing; I recited my
intention like a mantra a few times; I would sometimes just ask myself
before I spoke to someone, “what are you exchanging here, Eric?” It was a
bit more involved than just stating an intention at the beginning of
the day.
To bring it all home, I just want to revisit my learnings from all of this: no one wants
to feel badly. I also want to add that I don’t think anyone actively
wants to cause other people distress. I’m choosing to give people a bit
more credit and to lean into the inherent awesomeness that I believe we
all have. Perhaps for some, it’s a bit more protected and not exchanged
as freely, but I believe it’s possible to access that awesomeness if my
“come from place” or vibration/intention/inner dialogue-whatever you
choose to call it-is that of love and light.
What are you allowing to be exchanged? What’s the cost of not being aware of it? I challenge you to be conscious of who you want to be and how
you want to be in your dealings with life around you. I guarantee that
you will see a difference that feels much better. The only thing you
have to lose is feeling shitty. If it doesn't work for you, shoot me a
message and tell me what your experience was. I’d love to hear about it.
Mine was rather profound, so I'm fairly confident that yours will be as
well.
