Friday, December 5, 2014

Screaming Inside: Showing Compassion in Moments of Grief

I’m in a terrible place right now guys. Just sayin'.  I’m a big ole' convoluted mess of anger, profound hurt, and despondence-so much so that I’m even having difficulty putting thoughts into words right now. The recent-and all too frequent-murders and non indictments happening in the world has left me feeling like absolute shit. I wrote this in my journal last night:

My chest is constricted.
It feels like a tear-a rip with each breath
Inhalations exacerbating the “I can’t do this” of the moment
Screams being contained by the most fragile of cages
Ready to fight at the blow of the wind
I will really fuck somebody up right now
Don’t look at me the wrong way-hell, don’t even look at me. How ‘bout that?
So hard to put on a happy face and tap dance around the rage behind the mask.
It’s seething
A slow burn ready to blow at any moment
I just need a break
I need a shift
Something’s gotta happen
It’s GOT to!
I’m on that fucking edge and a muthafucka betta not push me

We’re in a collective period of mourning right now. We’re in grief. People say “You never know what someone else has on their plate/is going through.” In this case, yes we do because we’re feeling the same thing. We’re all walking around with this anger and sadness and confusion with no where to necessarily direct it. We’re either turning it inward in a harmful way, stewing in it or projecting onto someone else. Being cognizant of that, my immediate thought/question is how are we taking care of ourselves? How are we taking care of each other?

With all that anger that I felt yesterday when I wrote that, I wonder how it would’ve been different had there been someone there with me to bounce my feelings off of, or to just offer a hug. I think in such a huge period of mourning, it’s important that we step up and take care of one another. Just as much as you’re going through, acknowledge that people sitting next to you on the train or that you see at work everyday are going through too. Think about what you need in moments like this. I guarantee that someone around you needs the same or something similar. Be kind to one another.  Maybe send a nice text to one person during the day letting them know that you’re there for them. Maybe give out a few more hugs than you normally would. Check in with roommates and loved ones. Ask them how they’re doing. We need it now! How are you taking care of the people around you?

How are you taking care of yourself? Are you journaling? Are you sitting in nature? Are you listening to show tunes and singing in the kitchen? (Shout out to my roommate) As important as it is to invest energy into creating change-and protesting if you decide to do so-it’s just as important to be aware of all that you’re feeling and to give yourself kindness and love. We’re going through a lot right now. Show yourself some compassion. Find those things or people that soothe your spirit and allow it to breathe.

So what are you going to do? I challenge you to do one thing differently today for yourself or for aloved one. What's one thing you can do to offer the compassion you deserve?

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